Teen dad makes sacrifices to care for his son

Brandon Felce says he works hard to support his son, Hayden. Photograph by: Brandi Kinderman

By: Brandi Kinderman

Brandon Felce is working the overnight shift while his son sleeps. During the day he attends college classes while his grandmother watches his 4-year-old son, Hayden.

Felce is striving above and beyond to break the stereotype to provide the best life for his son. From working the overnight shifts during the weekends to attending college courses at times that are convenient with his sons schedule, he is doing everything he can to be a role model for his son.

According to a study conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics Report on Fathers’ Involvement with their Children in the United States from 2006-2010, the birth rate for men ages 15 to 19 was 18.2 per 1,000. That means for everyone thousand men between the ages of 15 and 19; just over 18 of them have children. Those numbers may be off, because fathers are not always identified when a child is born to a young unwed mother.

Felce became a father at 15 and has been working hard to provide a good life for his 4-year-old son, Hayden.

“I had to grow up very fast, even in high school I didn’t have extra time, I wasn’t out partying and I didn’t have the same interests as everyone else because I had a son and that totally changed my view on everything, said Felce, “I’d rather be at home with him than out doing regular teen stuff.”

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 8 out of 10 teen fathers do not marry the mother of their first child. Becoming a teen parent also has long-term implications for marriage: in comparison to people who did not have children as teens and teen parents are significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35.

According to Felce one of the things that scared him the most when he found out his girlfriend was pregnant was the thought that he would have to marry her.

“I thought I was going to have to marry her because we were going to have a child together but the advice from my father was helpful, said Felce. “My dad always stressed that just because I was going to have a child with her didn’t mean I’d have to marry her.”

Felce said the advice from his father took a lot of pressure off and made him less scared about the whole situation.

The Dec. 20, 2013 National Health Statistic Report states throughout 2006 to 2010 about 38 percent (23.5 million) of men aged 15–44 were living with one or more children while roughly 12 percent (7.5 million) were living apart from one or more of their biological or adopted children.

Felce shares joint custody with his son’s mother meaning he does not have to pay child support. He was granted his custodial right as a result of a court hearing which ruled that he had to pay the birthing expenses which according to Felce was a couple thousand dollars. They have a shared placement schedule for Hayden which means he lives with each parent at least 25 percent of the time. Both parents assume all costs in proportion to the number of days he or she cares for the child.

Felce has lived in Lake Hallie for roughly eight months but he is originally from Strum, Wis. He decided to move because he has family living in the area and he and his girlfriend, Jamie Ustianowski thought it would be a good place for them.

“It’s very quiet out here and we like the feel of the community,” said Felce.

Felce is a full-time student working towards a marketing associate degree at the Chippewa Valley Technical College in Eau Claire. He also works part time during the overnight shift as a lay up operator making circuit boards and working on other related tasks in Chippewa Falls.

“Since I have such a busy schedule with work and school I want to try to maximize my time with Hayden” said Felce.

One way that he tries to make the most out of his time is by working the overnight weekend shift earning $10.50 an hour.

“It’s not the greatest job, but it pays the bills,” said Felce.

Even though he doesn’t feel it’s the best job for him right now one of the reasons that he sticks with it is because of the hours.

Felce might enjoy a different job more, but he doesn’t want to send his son to daycare.

“I lean on the family really heavily and have a great family system that allows me to not have to send him to daycare,” said Felce.

Felce says his job doesn’t offer any benefits like health insurance or dental care for part-time workers. He is covered under his parent’s health insurance until he is 25, while Hayden is covered under his mother through BadgerCare.

When balancing out the wants versus the needs of living each month, Felce has a system in place.

“I take care of mine and Hayden’s needs first and if I have anything left over that’s when I buy some of the things I want but a lot of months I can’t afford to and I’m okay with that,” he said.

When it comes to balancing time between friends and family Felce said he has a pretty good routine set up.

He spends about 20 hours a week at school, plus there are the outside of class responsibilities like homework. He said that he tries to get all of his homework done during his off week so when he has Hayden he can devote his time to him.

As for managing the expenses of providing for a 4-year-old and himself, Felce shared a few of the ways he makes ends meet.

“Jamie pays the rent and I pay everything else like the electric and all the other bills, groceries, internet, phone, Netflix,” said Felce.

Basically the couple has split expenses 50-50.

“If I had to pay rent on top of all that it wouldn’t be enough. Between buying all the things for him (Hayden) and the gas running to each grandma’s to watch him it can be a lot,” said Felce.

Felce buys his son’s clothes at, Once Upon a Child a store that buys and sells gently used children’s clothing.

“I like to bring in his old clothes that he’s grown out of into Once Upon a Child, then buy new ones right there through their system,” said Felce. “The clothes are good quality and it’s a very good place for parents.”

Another way that Felce could save money is by participating in the Food Share program or other family services offered in Chippewa County.

“I’m not participating in any of programs that I could be like Food Stamps or anything like that, as a last resort I would but the way I was raised I don’t like taking help unless I absolutely need it,” Felce said.

Felce also said that if he couldn’t afford decent food for Hayden on his own that he would use those benefits, but so far he has been able to do it by himself.

As for the family services that are offered in Chippewa County, Felce said that they sound like a great resource for parents to have and maybe someday he could bring Hayden to one of the play groups to meet other children.

The River Source Family Center in Chippewa Falls offers many different programs for parents to take part in with their children. According to the Family Support Centers yearly statistics in 2013 the center helped 492 parents improve their parenting skills compared to 229 parents in 2012.

The Family Support Center provides home visitor services, parent coaching sessions, parenting classes, safe exchange services, and a family resource center.  Services focus on family communication, discipline, divorce and co-parenting, understanding children’s misbehavior, reflective listening, problem solving and helping parents help their children learn and grow

One program that is highly used is the Positive Parenting Home Visiting program. The goal of this service is to strengthen families, by providing parents with education and support which focuses on nurturing and attachment, child development, positive parenting, and referral services.

According to Denise Kervin, a family resource partner at the River Source Family Support Center all of the services are free and available to everyone.

“We help about 70 families each month,” Kervin said.

The services offered range from the fun and playful Movin’ and Groovin’ dance and play groups to the more parent-geared programs that focus on positive parenting and family services.

“We help parents with the fundamental building blocks of how to discipline their child as they get older,” Kervin said.

Some of the suggestions Kervin has for disciplining are to remember that you are trying to keep the child in a safe environment and it’s important to remember not to yell because yelling can scare the child and they won’t listen.

Felce has learned from experience that yelling is never the right punishment with his son.

“If you raise your voice he runs off and cries and gets upset,” Felce said. “So yelling is never a good idea with him.”

Felce has learned that it is better to sit down and talk with his son when he is misbehaving and explain why the behavior is unacceptable. Kervin also said that talking with the child about the behavior is the best option. Talking through problems helps the child understand why the behavior was unacceptable and helps them learn from the experience.

Another thing that Felce has found to be influential with his son is story time. Felce said he reads a bedtime story to his son every night. According to the National Health Statistics Report fathers who lived with children under age 5 were six times more likely than fathers who did not live with their young children to have read to them daily. On the other hand, 16 percent of men with co-residential children and 52 percent of men with non co-residential children had not read to them at all in the last four weeks.

Another influential activity in a child’s life that can be difficult to make time for is family dinner time. According to the National Health Statistics Report 72 percent of fathers who lived with their children under age 5 fed or ate meals with them daily compared with 7.9 percent of fathers with non co-residential children.

“It’s nice to be able to sit down and eat together at the end of the day, especially if I’ve had a busy day at school and work,” Felce said.

Even though the odds and stereotypes are against him, Felce is doing everything in his power to provide the best life possible for his son. Despite the looks and remarks he receives when he tells someone he is father to a 4-year-old he doesn’t let that deter him from doing the best he can.

“It doesn’t bother me that people might look at me and think of me differently because I have a son,” Felce said. “I don’t let what other people think bother me.”

According to Felce at the end of the day there is only one concern that truly matters to him and that is his son’s well-being.

“Even when my plate is completely full, I like to take a half hour,” Felce said. “Where I put everything of mine away and just focus on him and what he wants to do.”